Brooke vs. the World

When the girl rock band I co-founded/fronted broke up in college, my friends said it was the end of an era. The feelings that surrounded the occurrence at the time were a mixture of sadness and relief all in one hard-to-distinguish package. Would it seem funny that I sort of feel the same way now after having my last day of work?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am overjoyed that I no longer have to repeat my repetitive lines over and over, call after call, day after day… after day. I am not sad that I will never have to deal with another angry customer ever again. And, no, I will not find it hard to move on to my next adventures in life. Yet, there is still some small lingering mixed feeling I can’t quite put my finger on, just sitting in the pit of my stomach.

This is probably normal, right?

I’ve only been done for a day now, so I’m thinking this is just me not realizing I’m officially gone. It’s like when people lose a limb, but they can still “feel” it. In that sense, I know I’ve quit, but there’s still the feeling that I will return to the hustle and bustle on Monday morning as if nothing changed. This is my haunting limb.

A part of me will miss being at that level of knowledge I achieved with my position. A part of me will miss the people I grew to know over our time working together. Another part of me says, “Who cares?! I’ve gotta pack my bags!”

Oh, yeah. I leave for Spain in T-Minus 4 days!!!!!

I am not a fan of stress, most of the time. There are situations where I feel stress pushes me to reach goals otherwise left behind. For the most part, however, stress = bad. Stress is a strange little ailment, sometimes making itself known in every thought, and other times laying low while it stealthily drains your lifeforce. I was able to diagnose the latter form as being active in my body… until today. Today, I came out to the man. Today, I stopped living a lie!

If you haven’t guessed already, I am talking about putting my two weeks notice in at work. I know I haven’t officially explained why I am going to Spain yet, but tickets have been bought and hostels have been booked. I leave on September 25th for an archaeology/history course on the island of Menorca. I really feel like this will get me back into that “school mode” and expose me some potential career paths (yes, I could definitely see myself as a professor in the future). Long story short, travel plans for Brooke have been pushed up a few months and I had to tell work. What a relief!

I really had no idea that my secret plan to quit my job was such a burden. For months, well even a year, I have felt like I was living a lie. When my teamlead would ask me why I didn’t apply for our 2nd level team, I desperately avoided telling him it was because I didn’t see myself in this position much longer. Knowing I was a key player in the day-to-day work activities, but also knowing my heart wasn’t there, constantly made my soul tremble with a feeling of guilt. I have been so thankful for my job as it was an awesome opportunity for me when I needed it most, but I am also thankful I am taking the next step to pursue others. For me, not being in a job I am passionate about is a total disappointment. I have a drive deep within me that deserves to be put to good use.

Overall, I would say the process went quite smoothly. My notice could have come at a better time for sure – our team is already feeling a little overwhelmed, but it had to be done, right? I offered to come back and work in November and December, which was greatly appreciated even though not a possibility. So now I am set to figure out a way to make some quick cash during those months. No worries, though. I am resilient. I will find a way.