May 2010
Cat Fights is a newsletter that talks about getting into arguments with [girl] friends while traveling. It starts off by mentioning a big fight I had with a good friend while on a weekend outing, and then further analyzes the issue as to why it may have happened.
To get you thinking, Cat Fights poses the question as to whether or not traveling with other females is more difficult because of our genetic makeup. Finally, it smoothes it all over with some ways to cope.
Have something to say after reading the newsletter? Leave a comment below.
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My favorite travelling companions are women. A couple of particular women, that is. Definitely not all women. Definitely not all people. Definitely not my ex-boyfriend. I should have traveled with him before we got together and saved myself 3 years of hassle….
I think the key is what you mentioned- the ability to have open communication with your travel partner, to let things slide, to recognize when your partner is on edge, to take a deep breath, and don’t take everything personally. And the ability to apologize when your being the asshole.
I think it’s also important to have a similar style- if you want to backpack and they want an all inclusive resort- it’s just not going to work. And planning style- I don’t like having every minute planned, I like to wing it or jump at a new opportunity. Which once resulted in throwing my friends stupid notebook out the window. Needless to say, her and I don’t travel together anymore, but we are still friends.
I don’t thinks it’s a gender issue though- I think it’s just people. And if your thinking about dating or living with someone you should travel with them first. If you can’t make it through a week on the road your definitely not going to make it through a lease. Or a lifetime…
Love your blog/newsletter btw!
Awesome feedback, Jody! It’s almost like travel puts a relationship through several years of stress in a matter of weeks (or days even). I’ve actually said the same thing to many people before – travel together and then see what happens.
Hey Brooke,
I was just reminiscing with a friend the other day about our trip to South East Asia where we had a falling out amongst our group. There was four of us girls and it turned into a 3 on 1 argument and I don’t even remember what it was about (I was one of the 3). In the end we spent a few days apart and it was the best thing we could have done. I think after that we all learnt to respect each others differing needs (sleep vs staying out late, cheap snacks v eating properly, the need to email vs the desire to stay away from a computer etc) or just not try to do everything together!
Anyway, great concept and I look forward to reading more about it!
Great story, and I’m glad it worked out for you all in the end! Understanding everyone’s needs is a big part of getting along while traveling.
The key to traveling with ANYONE is good communication and managing expectations.
I’ll never forget this one disastrous trip I took in college. I was studying abroad in London and I took a reading week trip to prague and budapest with three other girls I’d met there. It was terrible!
First off two girls in our group just did NOT get along. They bickered the entire trip, including all night during one very tense overnight train ride. I am sooo not down for drama but it was impossible not to take a side- conveniently it turned into 2 versus 2.
Secondly, we clearly had very different travel styles. Two girls were married to their guidebooks and wanted a strict itinerary everyday and to be back at the hostel before dark (because Prague is dangerous you guys!). While the other two(including myself) wanted to wander around, explore and see what took our fancy. This lead to a lot more arguing than sightseeing.
That trip was tense, but it taught me some important lessons. You need to choose your travel partners carefully. Just becuse you get along with someone in daily life does not mean you can travel together. Now I’m much more careful about who I’ll agree to travel with.
Excellent lesson regarding daily life vs travel life. Group travel situations in the past have made me hate groups larger than a few unless the right people are along.
I once traveled with a very good (but new) female friend, to Mexico. I was a little hesitant, but couldn’t guess why. I tried to discuss expectations with her before we went. But the trouble with travel is that there is so much that you can’t expect. In this case, we were on familiar turf for me but not for her (i.e. visiting my stepfamily, I had been there before, I spoke Spanish and she didn’t) and she depended on me for everything – interpreting and explaining food and customs, language, making plans…etc. And it was driving me crazy. I figured out why I usually travel alone! The people I meet while traveling are already showing their peculiar reactions to the stress of travel and so it’s easier to find someone that suits me as a travel partner. Also, if you don’t get along, you’re not ‘married’ to each other for the whole trip!
On the whole, I’d say the best combination of travel mates is a small group of both women and men. Women can get into specific problems with each other that a little male energy can help to balance.
I have never had problems traveling with people I meet on the road… probably bc like you said, you kind of already see how they are reacting to travel. Great feedback!