This question was asked last night by one of Pat’s family members, and I know it is a valid one.
It was Patrick’s brother’s birthday, so we met the family out at a Chinese restaurant for one of those communal meals that I loathe simply because they are too communal and because I am often left with few items I would actually enjoy eating.
Some people think, “Oh, communal. Fun!”
No way man. I’ve figured out that the hatred for sharing food probably stems from a massive revulsion to random people’s saliva. I mean… the idea of old food particles, plaque, disgusting and slimy, perhaps contagious, saliva from random people entering my food path really and truly grosses me out. It’s something I’m only able to overlook when I like someone or am drunk — that is all.
It’s one of the reasons I really enjoy food dishes having serving utensils especially for them. But no…
Even there, those serving utensils are often not used. Instead, previously used chopsticks are stuck right in the mix, and at each plunge or stir I am sent wildly into an internal frenzy. Each plunge is a punch in the gut that makes me want to scream until finally it gets so bad I almost explode saying, “Oh my god, can you PLEASE JUST USE THE FREAKING SERVING UTENSILS AND STOP POLLUTING MY FOOD WITH YOUR SALIVA!!!”
But I can’t. It’s the way they’ve always done things, which is the complete opposite to how I was raised. I used to think it was more of a germaphobia thing, but I really think it is just the idea of someone’s smelly, stringy saliva entering my mouth. Seriously dry heaving at the thought.
In addition, certain food textures drive me nuts, especially things that are slimy or mushy. Weird meat parts are like the epitome of gross, and I’m sure if my burgers were served with bits of those in the mix I would totally give up meat. I like to think I’m adventurous. The truth is I’m not adventurous with food.
So, this is one of those things I know I have an issue with but just can’t resolve, and it makes these food adventures really freaking hard sometimes — and that brings us to Malaysia.
If I were on a trip by myself, I would simply get what I wanted and then stop at the shops to buy “safe food” bits when needed. However, I will not be on this trip by myself; I will be with Patrick’s family, and eating is probably the number one priority.
I hear stories of eating 6 meals a day. Pat’s grandmother has already worried me with ideas of fish maw soup.
How am I going to do in Malaysia?!
That is a really good question…
My prediction is that I will have some pretty unsatisfying dinners, or that I will simply stuff myself with roti. It’s now less than a month away until we find out!